Psalm 23:1 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
Easy Bake Oven, yep that’s all I “wanted” one year for Christmas. I didn’t get it and I am sure I was devastated at the time. Some days I do long for that shallow child who thought an EasyBake Oven would bring the satisfaction the tv commercial sold. I mean I would clearly be able to bake for my whole family over and over again with my own personal oven, right?
Wants can be such a hazard in grief. In my experience most of my wants were deep life wants that were not possible. Of course, I wanted my son still here with our family. We want an explanation. We want a reason. These wants can be crippling. Most of your life wants in grief are just not going to be fulfilled. God will give you what you need, though to get through the tempting emotions that accompany the wants.
I was invited to join a womens bible study a while ago and was reluctant as I just never know if my story will be too much for some and I am an open book as you have learned. This group of women have fulfilled such a need in my heart. God knew these women would be the right fit for me and my story and for that I am grateful. A friend shared the following quote in my bible study:
Happiness is not having what you want but wanting what you have.
Such painful truth in grief and loss. Of course we want it differently. We didn’t choose this illness, job loss, life lost and we want the opposite. But, in time, we learn to see and cherish what and who we do have. We mean it when we say goodbye. We cherish moments with one another understanding that taking that for granted can haunt you with regret later.
It can be such a challenge to be online or expose yourself to any media honestly without having wants. There is that promise that those things will bring the satisfaction you are seeking. I guess I would caution you to look at those who had what appeared to be unlimited access to their wants and yet could not escape their true need. When a celebrity dies by suicide it’s interesting how much confusion that generates. Our culture tells us through countless marketing campaigns that this vehicle or that “thing” will bring you happiness. This, in turn causes confusion when someone who “has it all” dies by suicide.
Sadly this is just again deception at it’s core. It’s important for us to find contentment in all God has blessed us with currently. This includes people.
I was recently having a conversation with a homeless family member. He lives in a climate that doesn’t require a lot of things to continue in his homeless lifestyle. I can recall him telling me he has learned not to become attached to “things” or any sort. He instead focuses on relationships, experiences and faith. That thought stuck with me. While I wish he could find his way out of his circumstance for his own safety, his statement has so much truth. I would say for those of us grieving, we cling to our faith, our memories and our story.
What a challenge it is to let go of the wants in loss. There is so much we want. Nearly four years ago I wanted a lot of impossible things. I am going to be honest, I was downright demanding my wants from God. But as time passed I started to see what was right in front of me was what I needed. I had a family here despite my son in Heaven. It was important for me to reframe my line of sight to the blessings right in front of me.
Wants take more energy whereas fulfilled needs bring true satisfaction. Be alert to the deception that comes with those wants. Wanting to fit in, wanting to be like someone else, wanting what someone else has. These all create dissatisfaction with your current situation and a negative self view. So when your wants start to HAUNT, focus on your “have’s”. It may seem like you’ve lost everything but if you look deeply, you will start to find that your needs are being met right where you are. Allow God to bring your comfort right where you are and to open the doors to new relationships, experiences and faith stories through your loss.
Life is a journey full of need blessings and it’s hard to see them through the fog but I assure you they are there.
Psalm 23:2-4
He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the SHADOW OF DEATH, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff, comfort me.