1 Corinthians 13:1
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
Grief is a complicated thing. It puts you in a place of self reflection and longing, a place that can truly hold you captive. Whatever your loss may be, there is an obvious absence in your life that can not be avoided. It may not even be necessarily a person no longer with you but just a major life change that you did not expect. This change doesn’t change your physical environment more often than not so there are triggers everywhere reminding us of this absence.
It is this constant that keeps us in survival mode and with that we may want to keep to ourselves. We may withdraw socially as we are processing a lot of change for some in a short amount of time. It may also be challenging if you have recently lost a spouse to be somewhere where there are many couples. In the same respect, if you have lost a child, it can be hard to go to family friendly places as what is missing in your life is so much more evident when you are surrounded by those who are happy and together.
Over and over again I have heard the stories in grief groups and support groups. I have met amazing bereaved mothers who have walked this road before me and start traditions to honor their child’s memory on days that are normally agonizing.
It was Joey’s first birthday and we were still in a state of shock emotionally. It had been just a little over two months. There was a sweet neighbor who I didn’t know real well but did know her story. Her husband had been lost in an accident when her children were quite young. She messaged me that day, his birthday, asking if she could come over. As she walked up to the house, she had a basket full of all things yellow in it which also included faith based items as well. It was a “basket of sunshine”. She then proceeded to sit with me outside and just listen as we shared back and forth about our stories.
It was the following birthday of Joey’s that I decided I wanted to do something in his honor. I had seen online other bereaved parents would go pay for someone else’s birthday cake anonymously and leave a card just signing it “Joey’s mom”. What a great idea, I thought…so I went to the local grocery store and asked if I could pay for someone’s cake (boy if possible) and gave them the card. It wasn’t long after this that a teacher I worked with at school saw something online in a Minnesota facebook group, a family had a photo of my card asking if anyone knew who this was as they wanted to thank them. Needless to say, this small gesture I did that day that brought me out of that self thinking was a true “boomerang blessing”. This family ended up sending us flowers in Joey’s honor with his picture and Happy Birthday Joey. Their little boy was turning 3 and her husband had struggled with mental health. She told me they would always sing Happy Birthday twice, once for their son and once for Joey. God knew I needed this…
This would have never happened if I wouldn’t have at least tried to do something for someone else and in that I was blessed more than I could ever imagine. My neighbor did not have to bring that basket down, we didn’t know each other that well and I wouldn’t have missed it but truly her gesture likely blessed us both.
My mother was someone who always volunteered her time at church, school, the Christian Servicemans’ center, or really anywhere. She was a giver by nature. As a teen of course I didn’t always embrace it since we always had United States Marines at our thanksgiving table because she would always welcome anyone to our table who didn’t have a family locally. We lived near a military base and she would always instill in me that it doesn’t take much effort to truly show love to someone else by giving.
She was right. I have truly found that taking the time to help others in some way in your grief journey helps shift your perspective beyond yourself and I promise you will have your Boomerang Blessings as well.
Matthew 5:16
In the same way let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your father who is in Heaven.