John 11:35
Jesus Wept.
Grief affects each of us in our own unique way. I’ve learned this in my own family. I can recall initially I was very mistaken in how I thought we would grieve as a family.
I can recall my husband Joe that initial week. Many of those who knew Joe through Joey knew him as a simple guy just your “average Joe”. I truly believe grief is such a challenge for men. Again, there are expectations for their journey that simply shouldn’t be any different than any other family member. They are expected to be sensitive but tough. They are expected to be strong but vulnerable. Many of these conflictive messages add a secondary layer to a grieving father.
It was initially so hard for me to understand my husband’s grief. It was worrisome as he was so withdrawn and quiet. But he did give me permission to share how he has gotten through this nightmare. Joe loves music as some of you know he has a list of his top 5000 songs. He also is very talented at drawing. He would draw fun comic style drawings for the kids when they were young and I would enter those in the county fair like I did the kids art. Drawing and music lyrics have become an outlet for his grief.
Joe would be one of those people that others may speculate about in grief just due to his private personality. I can recall yet again another conversation I had with an acquaintance a few years ago. This person knew someone who lost a child in an accident and really EXPECTED to see a different response in the father. They felt the lack of emotion publicly was cold and not okay. You may see Joe around town and he may seem the “same” to you as you could likely apply to many husband’s, brothers, uncle’s and son’s. But I assure you it’s there. Joe’s art should give you an idea of what their grief looks like at it’s dept.
Joe has put his pencil to paper to work through his grief. Expressing feelings I believe is such a monumental challenge for men in grief. Depending on their role in the family I think they often feel pressure to have it together and to stay strong for the family. The pain of grief is deep and Joe recently drew this drawing called “Tears of a Clown”. He likes to create art that you can flip so it is two sided. There are often many stories in his one drawing.
The drawings are painful but so is grief and the loss of a child so that is okay. It’s his way of working through it and I am grateful he has this release. While Joe may not be a talker in his grief journey, he is expressing his story on paper.
Just like Pagliacci did
I try to keep my sadness hid
Smiling in the public eye
But in my lonely room I cry
Now there’s some sad things known to man
But ain’t to much sadder than
The Tears of a clown when there’s no one around…
Psalm 56:8
You have kept track of all my sorrows
You have collected all my tears in your bottle
You have recorded each one in your book.