Joshua 1:9 Do not be frightened, do not be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
These past four years are certainly not what I expected but as the unexpected happens time and time again, God is there. Some of you may be asking a valid question: How can God possibly be in your Joey story? I do not know why my son took his life. I don’t think I will know the answer to why this happened in this lifetime but I do know God is in that story. I have since met so many other bereaved suicide loss mothers who have experienced this same valley. I have been blessed with a perspective I didn’t ask for but have. That, I believe is the God in my story using Joey’s story to help others.
This song called God is in this story hits home with me.
There were many overwhelming moments since 2019 where I had to look up and ask, “God, how can I possibly get through this?”
Arriving at my parents home in June of 2019 after losing Joey on March 24 was one of those moments. They had lost the ability to care for themselves or their home. While doing my best to preserve their dignity, I can just tell you, it was overwhelming. My dear friend from out there accompanied me for that first visit and in the midst of this unhealthy, unsafe environment were my two parents filled with joy at my visit and just relaxed sitting in chairs. The sights and smells were surreal. It was in that moment that my friend who I was staying with just came alongside me and helped me through this. She was working during the day but each night would help me sort paperwork so we could narrow down what bills hadn’t been paid and what their financial situation revealed. Neither of my parents could remember Joey had passed despite attending his funeral at my home just two and a half months prior. I had many days at that house with just mom and dad plugging through each room by room. Thankfully my younger brother had handled a bulk removal while my parents were in Minnesota in March/April at my house. So it wasn’t as awful as it could have been but overwhelming for sure. My nephews and my friends son would show up when they weren’t working with my nephews taking a train in and then skateboarding three miles to get to the house to help. There were family friends who my parents met while living in the Philippines on missions, they drove the 2 hours to the house when my brother was working on it and just worked.
Many days were monumentally challenging with my mother in tears over things I knew we had to part with but her state of mind didn’t understand. My father was also upset over things already “missing” that my brother had gotten rid of which was the right thing to do but he just didn’t understand. I can recall each morning I would get there and try and bring some sort of food for them so they didn’t try to cook. One morning I arrived and my mother was on her way to her car to drive with her PJ’s. That day the keys to mom’s car went home with me.
While this seemed like a mountain I simply could not climb, God was in this story and with my full dependence on him, it all worked out getting mom and dad safely relocated near extended family in Oregon in an apartment that had meals, linen washing and housekeeping. God was in that story with me for 6 weeks and for that I am so grateful. My emotions were very present but strangely there was an unexplainable peace through this storm.
I can recall January of 2022. I was coming down with a pretty bad cold and it was early evening. My phone rings and it’s my dad’s independent apartment complex in Oregon. She was placed there in January of 2020. The office of dad’s apartment wanted me to know they just got a call from a convenience store/gas station in Washington. There was a confused man who stopped to get gas and they got his address out of him and called the apartment. I called the lady working at the station that day. Her name was Jackie. She told me that she believed God brought my dad into her station that day so she could help him. She stated that she was in the middle of praying with a young girl who had stopped in very distraught about something and dad came in. He believed he was in California and had a wallet full of $100’s. He was offering money to anyone who could tell him how to get to a cabin where he was meeting his wife. He also had with him his Bible. She quickly jumped in and made a connection with him for his own safety and was able to contact his apartment office. It was at that point, though, that it was for me to manage from 1800 miles away. Jackie proceeded to tell me that she was willing to have someone cover for her there and drive dad’s car the two hours back to his apartment with her friend following to bring her back. Once they arrived at the apartment, she called me from the lobby. Dad was in a great mood as they talked about God on the trip. That was the last time my father drove a car and he made it safely home thanks to this guardian angel Jackie. God was in this story. I wasn’t feeling well and had no idea how I was going to manage this situation.
It was this same month January 2022 Hospice reached out to me as mom had been on Hospice since June of 2021 in Oregon and she just only thrives after I visit and then has a steady decline until my next visit. They suggested I try and move her to Minnesota by me. These two incidents with my father who I knew could not be independent much longer and my mother who was declining put another God size problem on my plate. I just prayed that if this was meant to be doors would open. As I started to tour facilities that would be an option for mom and likely eventually both of them, I was getting discouraged. I made an appointment to tour one 2 miles from my home. As I toured the houses, 3 different houses with 10-12 residents in each separated by their cognitive stage, I realized this felt right. There was a small tv in the living room of the late stage house (the house mom would live) and on that tv was playing “I Love Lucy”. Lucy was a show mom and I shared and loved. The staff person giving me the tour then tells me they are a Christian non profit so things come with a Christian place in their facility. I had recently been discouraged on a visit to her Oregon facility which had about 27 residents and a few big TV’s for them to watch. Mom in her wheelchair was facing the TV with tears. There was a resident who loved the show Law and Order: SVU and mom was having to watch a show she would have never watched in her life. Seeing Lucy and hearing their mission statement on that tour told me once again God was in this story.
On April 30, 2022 I planned on moving mom. We had front row first class seats on a delta flight and I was fortunate enough to have a friend offer to fly with us who is an OT in the Navy. The month before I checked with TSA on what I needed for Mom to travel. She had been in long term care since Jan 2020 and was now wheelchair bound on a fairly special diet. She also didn’t communicate real well but could understand really well. They assured me she just needed 2 forms of secondary ID and the disability waiver from the TSA site. They gave me examples of secondary ID. I made sure that day that mom had a bag on her with countless forms of secondary ID not to mention our carry on which had her prescription cards (20+) with a prescription sticker on each one containing her name. Sadly when mom and I completed the short line to get screened, TSA that day was not having it. My friend was at the gate waiting for us and it was then that I experienced yet another challenging hurdle. They refused to screen us since mom didn’t have a current ID. I simply could not give up as there is so much involved in even getting mom to the airport from her facility. For 30 minutes they refused to screen wanting me to rebook. My friend calling me from Gate saying Delta had to shut the doors soon. I simply gave it to God. This TSA agent called over a supervisor (to make us leave I believe) and the supervisor took mom’s chair for the screening. The secondary screening would have involved questioning and being wanded. He looked in her bag and said, “all clear”. Meanwhile my friend called saying she was sorry but Delta couldn’t wait. As soon as I was able to get mom’s chair, there was a delta baggage employee heading that direction to work. He saw this all playout and grabbed our bags and said go, I am with you. I sprinted rolling mom in her chair at a pretty good clip through the gate entry way. I arrived at the gate with mom out of breath and my friend pointed at the time “delayed 15 minutes”. It was a catering delay. The attendant opened the doors and we took mom down and the kind delta wheelchair helper and my friend transferred mom to her seat and we backed out and took off. GOD WAS IN THIS STORY.
In May of 2022 my dad really started to struggle cognitively as I thought may be coming. He was living nearby at a nice assisted living/independent apartment. But he started to unravel and on a Sunday evening in May, he walked out of his building and walked a couple miles only to flag down a vehicle to take him back to his “home” giving them his Oceanside, CA address. This vehicle that stopped yet another good samaritan. This woman was familiar with Oceanside so got connected with him over that and was able to get our name out of him. She showed him a picture of our house she found in a search. He confirmed that was it and she delivered him to our home safely. GOD WAS IN THIS STORY
Mom and Dad both reside in that memory care facility in my town. He is in the early stage house and she is next door in the late stage house. GOD IS IN OUR STORY