1 Thessalonians 5:14
And we exhort you, brothers; warn those who are irresponsible, comfort the discouraged, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
It's so interesting the perspective change that happens in the mindset for me personally when it comes to certainty. You see when life is predictable and comfortable, complacency sets in. I often hear the phrase, "something or someone is my EVERYTHING". I would caution that perspective. Keeping in mind anything could happen at any moment.
My EVERY
Every day I must come from an approach of JOY in order to do what's next without letting yesterday have an affect on tomorrow. JOY for me is Jesus, Others, You. This taught to me by my mom long ago and although she may not know the impact that small thing she suggested to me throughout my childhood, boy does it help me now. The key point in this thought process is humility. Putting yourself last in the equation. I would very much. be struggling mentally if I only looked at myself and my losses only. If my focus stays on things above, people around and then myself, I am able to see the light so much easier. I do find that especially in our culture there is so much pressure to focus on only you and what you have. The faster life is, the better we look. While it's fun to live each day from that perspective, it simply cannot fulfill our deep longing for more. There is more. As we look at our nation's history and that generation that fought in World War 2, I often notice a common thread that I saw in any of those I met who were World War 2 veterans; Humility and Gratefulness. You see you just knew their experience had given them a depth of perspective that many of us simply cannot fathom.
There was a book in 2014 that hit the New York Times Best Seller list. "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. It's interesting to me how many felt drawn to this title. Rick was laying out searching your own heart and life to determine your purpose in this life. Therefore, it is not new to want more than this life has to offer. I would encourage everyone to determine your Every. Is your EVERY built on a foundation that gives you deeper meaning? You see if we make the foundation one that is solid, then everything else will fall into place (sand and pebbles). If we try and fit the Rock into the pebbles and sand already established, it is a tight fit.
I was recently out west visiting my parents and this song came on the radio. It's often these God moments that I must share.
Let the truth be told...
2019 left a strong impact on me and with that came a truth. I have learned to be real with God, others and myself. I had fallen into a pattern of being concerned about what other's thought and once you experience a child suicide loss, that thought process can't survive because with suicide comes shame. There just isn't a way to avoid it. I have learned to accept what happened to our family and use it as a life lesson for myself and others. For me personally, taking time means time away with God to lament. There are also times I need to be with others and I try and be open and honest with them about that.
"The world isn't scandalized by our freedoms but by our fakeness" T. Tchividjian
Think about it, those who lead with truth are highly respected but if there is a scandal, it is due to the lack of honesty in that person.
1 John 3:18
Little children, we must not love with word and speech but with truth and action"
What does truth and action look like? I have experienced it. Truth and action in suicide loss is simply being present. It is very uncomfortable for some to be present in my pain as it's their biggest fear losing a child like we did but I would challenge you when putting you truth into action, take your fears to God and just be there. Something that became very real to me was these other suicide loss moms who I have been connected with and how they put their own grief aside to walk alongside me, a complete stranger on the same road. That is light, that is hope, that is truth, that is selfless. The irony is one has become a good friend and when we get together, we pray, we laugh, we cry and it is truly as if I have known her for years. You see God led us to each other through our children, our children who are with him now. I would encourage you to be present in someone's suffering. What do they need? what would be a help? Is it a warm meal? Is it a card of encouragement just randomly sent? See what others are without and what you can bring to the table keeping in mind it may not be something that gets a lot of attention but makes a big impact on their heart.
Kintsugi 金継ぎ
"Golden repair or joinery"
The japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted with gold, silver or platinum. It treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object rather than something to disguise. (wikipedia)
One moment please......
This year this phrase is so much more prevalant. In so many areas of our life in 2020 we have found ourselves hearing and saying "one moment please". Lines seem longer due to distancing. I even find myself hearing God say, "Emily, one moment please". That is a clear message I heard on that fateful day. I was weak, very weak and he was simply waiting to hear my cry. For me, I was that broken vessel struggling to see the light. But verses like this spoke to me:
Psalms 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
If you are in one of those broken places whether in involves loss, disease, or just a general struggle personally, I would encourage you to reflect on the healing that can happen through Jesus. There is a beauty in being broken. How can that possibly be? The truth is your vulnerability is not a very public thing.
Use those moments. Maybe you are waiting somewhere and your agitation in the whole situation has been compounded by this "one moment please". Maybe use that moment to pray, pray for those around you, make your requests known. There are times at school when I have had to say, "one moment please" to a parent in a situation when they could get this task accomplished easily in a few minutes. I often find myself apologizing for what we cannot control and asking for their grace in the wait. More often than not, I can see them stop pushing and almost self reflect realizing this is not our fault and we must all just get through it together.
In these times of One, moment please, I encourage you all to be true with God, Others and Yourself.
You are loved and are a child of the King.
It is such a challenge not to let everything and everyone around us affect our outlook.
I am fully dependent on God in each of my moments. I recently saw how that mending does and can happen. You see, my mom suffered a stroke in April (small stroke) at her memory care facility. Due to quite a few restrictions in place at the time, she never received post stroke care. She could no longer walk but a wheelchair fitting wasn't ordered by her doctor so we bought one off Amazon. It was such a struggle to see what I viewed from afar as her suffering. I tried to switch doctors but at that time through their insurance doctor switching was not permitted. Fast forward to August, we could request a different doctor now who is closer to mom's facility. The other one's office was 10 miles away but was only doing virtual or video visits anyway at that time. We requested a well respected area doctor but unfortunately he wasn't accepting new patients. So, I tend to persist. I wrote him a letter explaining mom's plight. He accepted her as a patient, met her on Oct. 6 and called me afterwards. He then told me he went through a very similar path with his parents and they were the same age as mine. He ended up moving his mother into the memory care facility where my mom resides. He ordered a custom wheelchair fitting and also was able to get post stroke home health care to come starting this week and do OT and PT. You see what felt broken to me was being mended in it's own way with a future plan. This brings me such peace a reassurance knowing my mother has more care. My father also has stabilized in his dementia struggles and seems to be adjusting to living without mom. He has made friends at his place which has really helped.
Embrace your moments, use them with intention. Search your soul as it may needs to awake. As the lyrics in this song state, "where you invest your love is where you invest your life." This was mentioned in church this morning. Think deeply about that investment.
We were made to meet our maker.....