Matthew 5:5
Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.
Being a part of Marc’s story in this journey has taught me so much about grief, depression and anxiety. Marc was deeply devastated by Joey’s loss. At 16, he looked up to his brother both figuratively and literally. Joey was Marc’s constant encourager, his best friend. They texted daily and shared a love of music together.
Marc courageously asked for help right away and we started him in therapy. I can recall thought that experience, we also had Luke go to therapy and his therapist met with Joe and I that first week of April in 2019 and told us statistically our other children were at a higher risk of dying by suicide. The hits just kept coming. But my personality was very much in battle mode at this stage and I was going to fight this darkness that took a member of my family with all I had.
Once we had retrieved all Joey’s items from the college campus, I went through them just wanted it done. I found a speech from his college speech class. This notebook also filled with doodles during class that told a very obvious tale of depression and suicide ideation. But this one page caught my eye and as I started to read it I realized for this assignment, Joey decided to write the best man toast he would give at Marc’s wedding one day. I do not know if Joey did this with intention knowing he would leave soon or if he did this with intention knowing he would be the one giving that speech one day. Either way, it was very special and I gave it to Marc. Marc has it saved in a very special location.
Marc started with his therapist who has been wonderful and is part of his story to this day. He has truly been through some very deep valleys in his depression journey. I can recall him working at Valleyfair (amusement park locally) that summer after Joey passed. Joey had worked there and this likely was not a good fit but he did it. Then he got a job at the movie theater. He loved it and ended up connecting with a coworker there who had been friends with Joey in high school so that coworker acknowledged the loss, acknowledged the brother Marc saw and acknowledged how hard it must be. What a gift. Teens don’t talk about grief in my experience and this was happening.
Marc also had always had an interest in music. I had a friend who’s son loved his guitar teacher so she gave me the name and we got Marc in guitar lessons. I recall our first meeting with that teacher not long after Joey and this man was vulnerable talking with Marc about his own struggles and how music helped him.
Things were really starting to look up for Marc, he was turning a corner and then one year after Joey passed, the world shut down and so did Marc. The theater closed and he was laid off, his therapy and guitar went virtual. His only option was isolation in the house where he and his brother had so many memories. I could see his hope crumbling and couldn’t do anything to stop it. I can recall a conversation we had sitting by the fire and my heart just sank, despair was winning and I couldn’t change it. I fully relied on God through this but as a mother it was hard not to be completely consumed by the anxiety of losing another child.
Slowly but surely at a pace that I struggled to accept, Marc dug his way out of his own depression and social anxiety journey. He got a job at Goodwill locally and is still working there. He embraced his music playing guitar, bass, and most recently banjo in his room. He started to mix music with the computer and even created his own tunes. He started looking up instead of down. It was also a time that he and his younger brother Luke spent a lot of time together since they were stuck at home doing school.
He did take a semester at the community college recently virtually and did well but found he is just not quite ready for that until he’s able to determine more what his path will be. I am so proud of him making that decision not feeling the pressures his brother felt to hurry up and figure it out. I tell people who are concerned about that decision that my family has hit quite a few speed bumps in life so whatever EXPECTATIONS society may have for us, our pace is different. Healing started to happen in our family with the recognition that society doesn’t dictate that pace for us.
Marc is blessed to have a younger brother Luke who has become his best friend now. And hope is winning in Marcs. It hasn’t been easy but it has been a blessing to see the struggle happening and understand how challenging this battle is for a young person. He is excellent at communicating his needs and knows what will and won’t work for him. That first Christmas I purchased lift tickets for the boys in hopes that they would have a fun day out. Marc was so mature in verbalizing to me that one of his best last moments with Joey was the day the boys and I went skiing at Hyland Park. He simply couldn’t go skiing yet, it was too painful and he was sorry. Wow, this 17 year old was communicating his needs in grief. There have been hills and valleys for Marc along the way but my hope is that he is able to see each valley he got through and use that as a stepping stone to hope.
2023 is a big year for the family. Marc and Luke plan to move in August to Minneapolis where Luke will attend the University of Minnesota and Marc will work. They also have been saving for a while for a 3 week trip to Japan in May. This was something they talked about soon after Joey hoping it would happen one day. I’m hopeful but guarded. My faith will carry me through this transition as it won’t be easy but God’s got this.
I was recently with a dear friend at a concert and the song attached was performed. As i heard the lyrics I saw two chairs over from me a high school boy just singing away. He knew every word to this song. He was there with his mom and was probably about 17. What an important song for him to know at that age in this world. He left between artists for a bit and I told his mom how special it was to witness his joy for those specific lyrics. I told her he is beaming with HOPE and I am grateful to see that. She was so gracious. She doesn’t know my story and I am proud to say I have learned not to overshare in moments like that.
Instead, I just took in that hope moment for all it was. My sons are beloved and I know I have told them that but I just hope despite what the world tells them they always remember it like the boy at that concert.