One week from Monday (Memorial Day) we will have the honor of burying Joey among America's heroes at Fort Snelling National Cemetery. My husband Joe served 4 years as a teletype technician in the Marine Corps. He often plays down his service since he never had to serve in a war. Many don't even know he was a marine but none the less he served and as a result his son is able to be buried at Fort Snelling.
I am sure there will be some who are buried there who lost their battle with mental illness just like my son. Our military just like our nation is grappling with the suicide epidemic.
The numbers are startling... according to the National Institute of Mental Health...
Suicide is a Leading Cause of Death in the United States
"According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) WISQARS Leading Causes of Death Reports, in 2017:
Suicide was the tenth leading cause of death overall in the United States, claiming the lives of over 47,000 people.
Suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 54.
There were more than twice as many suicides (47,173) in the United States as there were homicides (19,510)."
Sadly globally the suicide rate is declining while in the US it is increasing. The military is also experiencing this increase in the suicide rate in our country.
One of the first suicide survivor loss mothers who connected with me through a mutual friend after my loss of Joey was a military mother who lost her son to suicide. She was a so helpful for me to message with. It was reassuring that this roller coaster of emotions, confusion, guilt and the rest is normal. She has been an invaluable resource for me and even though we have never met in person. I think of her on this Memorial Day weekend and think of the emotions she had through her journey with her son serving his country and struggling through that with mental illness. This weekend I think of all of those suicide loss parents out there who lost their military child to suicide.
My hope and prayer is that we can somehow find help with this epidemic. There is still very much a stigma when it comes to mental health and suicide. There are those that can reach out and get help but sadly many of them aren't able to comfortably talk about that bridge they have crossed due to the stigma. I have definitely found this to be true after losing Joey. There have been so many wonderful people who I have known for years and I never knew struggled with mental health but they are open and honest with me now knowing I support any help they got in their journey because for them the journey didn't end.
My child was an internal child and always has been. We look back on his childhood and always thought of him as a thinker, very analytical. He was independent and once on his own at college truly felt it was on him and him alone to get through this adulthood experience.
What if he had reached out to us in his struggle instead of the school health services department? Could we have found the right help since we knew how internal our son could be? How could we have given him that reassurance that it was okay to ask us for help and not try to be a "man" (his words) and carry this himself? Society defined him as an adult and as a result his medical support decisions are up to him. But what if that support is failing him and he just doesn't know it? Unfortunately there is no one treating him who knows that knows him well enough in his freshman year to see that.
I am sure those military parents out there who also saw their adult child suffering had this same desperate feeling following their loss. How is it that we are so busy protecting their privacy but in some cases that protection may prevent the true support they need.
On this Memorial Day weekend, I would ask you to say a prayer for every military member serving our country and their family. Pray for those that may be struggling with PTSD or mental health. Pray that they are able to get the help they need. They deserve to be honored by us for their service as they protect our freedom. Consider the epidemic that our country and our military is grappling with. Start the conversation, acknowledge the pain and end the stigma.
