2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
Thanksgiving--EVERY MOMENT MATTERS
With thanksgiving approaching, I would encourage everyone to cherish the moment, cherish their loved ones and make beautiful memories together. There may be someone this holiday season who is suffering in some way whether it be grieving a loss, dealing with an illness, or possibly a teen masking a mental health struggle like my son was doing last year at this time. Take time to check in with those hurting individuals on that day. They may be receptive to conversation and may not but making a point to check in is the one thing I can advocate for on behalf of my child who is no longer here. There are many who will be hurting during this holiday season and I would encourage you to have that compassion with intention that they may need. There are so many of us that find ourselves truly blessed at this time and maybe just maybe we can bring a smile to one of those hurting hearts at this time. I can speak for a griever when I tell you we approach the holidays with extreme caution. Our tear triggers are plenty and there are times we are just not able to be as social as we once were. If you have someone who has experienced loss recently, it would be my suggestion that you simply listen, maintain flexibility in your expectations of the traditions and for me, talk about Joey.
I am thankful for Joey and all the amazing times we had with him through his 19 years with us. He enjoyed being with his cousins on thanksgiving. They were always laughing together and sometimes making movies. I am thankful for Joey and the joy he brought me in his life taken too soon. This thanksgiving we will light a candle at a place setting for him to honor his absence and to honor the 19 years he was present on that day.
Survivor Day
A day filled with support and healing: International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day
The Saturday before thanksgiving in November is usually always a day that the survivors of suicide loss can gather together for support and help in healing. This year was my first time attending an event on this day. I felt the need to attend as I find connecting with fellow survivors for my personality has been helpful. The day started beautifully with blue sky and sunshine which is something you take time to appreciate in my shoes. As I arrived in the room on a college campus, I was greeted by kind people who were there for a purpose of healing and connection. The breakfast/meeting was very well put together with a speaker and a panel that answered questions and countless resources and materials. Each year AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) creates a new video for International survivor of suicide day. This year's video was about a family who lost a son/brother and was something I could very much relate to. I connected with other suicide loss parents who are affected by losses of a younger child than mine and some older children with one thing in common. Their child took their life to stop their pain but sadly in many cases that pain has simply been transferred to their loved ones left behind. The message at this breakfast is one of hope after the heartache. There are stories represented there that help you realize you are not alone on this path. See there are many present at this breakfast who have been able to use their story and path to help others who are now unexpectedly on this road.
I met a wonderful fellow loss mother at this breakfast who lost her 13 year old daughter in February. It was so interesting and encouraging to meet another hurting mother. Of course I feel such intense compassion for a mother who lost a beautiful girl that young. She also has a blog which she writes in every Wednesday, the day she lost her girl. Her blog can be found here: http://doyoucarenow.life/ She and I connected over the pain we both carry. We actually have a mutual friend who had told me when Joey passed about her blog. I read it and told her yesterday sadly her story brought me some sort of comfort realizing it could be worse because 13 years old is simply too young. She is now speaking out on educating others about the growing epidemic of teen suicide. Our children have less personal face to face interactions and connect digitally with so many. We need to help them understand it is okay to express your feelings in person. Self harm and suicide are becoming something they see as a "solution" to their problems or their pain. We need to be able to help kids understand navigating emotion and feelings personally.
"Feel what you feel"
I saw the movie "Beautiful day in the neighborhood" yesterday with a good friend. Fred Rogers was a very kind man who understood that children need to be able to personally express their feelings to process emotion. One line in the movie Fred Rogers says, "you must feel what you feel". In this digital day and age can we really feel what we feel? Are we truly able to expose those tears and get that comforting hug in response? Think about that it is difficult to offer that cry hug to someone who is feeling down online. We can come up with a good emoji combination representing our support and love for them but the detached personal connection may not be what some suffering truly need.
Hugging that broken heart
Research does show that hugging can be an effective way to treat stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness and certain medical conditions. Hence, the introduction of hug therapy. How is it that we have to introduce hugging to mankind? Possibly because with the replacement of face to face connections with connections online, we have lost the physical connection humans need. I hug my boys more often now and they feel as though they are doing me a favor which they indeed are as it helps so much BUT I believe they are benefiting as well. The smiles tell the story post hug. I do know this for me personally if I have had a tear trigger moment and am with a friend. They often respond immediately with a hug. It truly helps. It represents unconditional love and support. God created us for connection.
Stamp out the stigma
There were those at the survivor day breakfast who in some way struggled with the stigma connected to suicide. I have never been affected by suicide until my terrible March 24 moment. I must tell you that regardless of how that person left us, it doesn't change the pain felt by the family with the loss. With suicide often there is judgement and shame and the grieving family is forced to navigate that on top of their grief. Please approach that suicide loss family just as you would any other family who has experienced loss.
A very good article about what parents need to know regarding teens and suicide:
Many at the breakfast yesterday have turned their story into action.
James Curry was the speaker and he is a filmmaker who made the following documentary:
Another gentleman who does pottery has started something called the rainflower project.
Many of these survivors have found that becoming some sort of an advocate to prevent this for someone else brings them strength.
One year ago thanksgiving at the cousins house. Joey Marc and Luke working TOGETHER to put together the puzzles. Thankful for that moment.