Having Faith in the Freedom of Forgiveness

Romans 12:17-21

Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”  Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

To Forgive: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender).

There truly is power in forgiveness. I recently finished the book "Unbroken" which tells the story of Louis Zamperini. Zamperini was held as a prisoner of war in Japan and was tormented by a Japanese officer in a camp in Japan. The nickname for this ruthless person was "the Bird". There were so many times when surely Zamperini thought he would die at the hands of the bird but somehow survived. Zamperini was able to get out with many POW's once Japan fell and returned to his wife in the States. It was then that vengeance took over his heart. He became fixated on getting his revenge on "the bird". As you hear the story you can see how hate simply takes over his heart blinding him from the damage he is causing to his own family.

When we choose to forgive, we bring healing to ourselves through redemption.

Suicide Loss as I have described before can be crippling to the survivors. For us the forgiveness must start for some with ourselves for others with the person we lost to suicide. As a parent, I can tell you in my story, the forgiveness of myself is an ever present battle. Suicide brings with it a hope destroying darkness and steals so much confidence from you as a parent. It is my true belief that suicide is the enemy of light. We must maintain our focus on the light to get through this dark place.

Freedom from Failure. I find that in forgiveness of myself, I am not haunted by that word, "failure". Fail. Those haunting phrases that the dark force in this world wants me to believe as a parent, that I failed my son, that I failed my family and that I failed myself, even to some that I failed my God. The problem with this is understanding that this world has darkness in it and there is no getting past that. We are all here with the darkness and the light and understanding that there is freedom in the light can outshine that darkness of that haunting word; failure. I am free from any failure because of my God and what he has done for me. He is my light. Each day when the sun is rising, it is hard not to look to the sky with much more depth than before. That sun is a symbol of light in the darkness every morning. A symbol of the freedom I work towards.

Freedom with Focus

“God made your body, mind, and soul. And He isn't done with you; He is still making you. God is making you braver, stronger, purer, more peaceful, more loving, less selfish - the kind of person you've perhaps always wanted to be.” ~David Roper

One dangerous place to find ones self in grief is the place of focusing only on yourself. I find that if I focus on everything I don't have that others do, it really puts me into a darker place. My human side wants to envy but my heart shares in that joy. I see in others. I find that by focusing on them and even others needs when I am able, it allows me to focus less on what I don't have and more on how I can help.

It's as if the freedom that comes with the light of looking outside myself gives such a more broad perspective on others and what they may be going through. If I am focusing on my own loss and suffering, my perspective is that of a shrinking tunnel that gets darker the deeper I dig into what I wish I had.

Mark 12:29-31 (The Message)

Jesus said, “The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.”

It is interesting that the bible states we need to Love others as well as we love ourself. It seems like common sense, right? I can tell you that thinking of ourselves first and foremost in this day and age has become somewhat of a safe place to exist. But I myself find that my only true healing comes in a way where I can somehow think of others even if I am not always good at it. As I become more connected with these other suicide loss surviving parents online, I find a common thread. Many of those who have survived the loss of a family member to suicide or even trauma are able to use their story for others to heal themselves. I recently came in contact with a suicide loss dad in Ohio who makes name signs out of license plates for families who have lost someone to suicide. Interesting that the connection to him came right around my birthday. He asked Joey's name and said he will make the plaque and send it. I offered to pay him but he said he does this to help others who are living with the pain his family is. What an amazing dad to use his pain for purpose. I can tell you approaching these holidays once joyful are tough without my parents aware or my son around, it's hard not to dwell on that. But what does God do? He uses this kind father in Ohio who has been grieving the loss of his son since 2017 to help heal my heart and show me that we can make a difference like him. This gentleman shared with me he has sent these plaques all over the world to suicide loss survivors free of charge to help in their healing.

Freedom from the Flesh

If there is one thing I have learned on such a deep level in my trials, it is that depending on this world just simply isn't enough. Don't get me wrong, there are incredible loving people who have been there for our family through it all but at the end of each day and the beginning of the next, it is truly God who knows my trials.

God is my one and only true certainty. I believe he can see me through these trials.

I recently listened to a wonderful message on Lamentations and this passage below in Lamentations 3:25-30 (The Message Version)

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times.

28-30 When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst.

There is so much truth in this passage. If God has shown me anything it is that there is worse. There is always worse. Just when I may start to focus on me and everything that brings me down, I am reminded by a story that helps me know it could be worse. It's sort of a God gut check.

Beautifully Broken.

Sometimes tears are a lens to the beauty not seen before. The song below is one I have loved for years. "what if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?". There is so much pain happening in our world today with so many uncertainties. But I must tell you there is something so peaceful that comes with suffering and loss. I just am able to dwell in a very real place when it comes to vulnerability and my faith. You see I am grateful. I am beyond grateful for those moments in this life that I know represent a joy I can hold onto forever. I don't take lightly how grateful I am for the ability to share a laugh with a friend. My time spent with my family is an incredible blessing that again I cherish. Blessings can come through raindrops and healing does happen through tears. Maybe the trials of this life are HIS MERCIES in disguise.

Freedom in our foundation of Faith

For me I can tell you relying on my faith truly grounds me to where I belong. I am able to pour my heart out to God and experience his healing mercy and grace as a result. I can tell you in my personal experience in the last few years with many unexpected life changes that came my way, I simply could only rely on God. He is my waymaker, miracle worker, LIGHT in the darkness. One last song below that brings me much comfort in my discouraging moments.

Hebrews 11:1-2 (The Message)

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.