No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it but I focus on one thing; forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize to which God, through Jesus Christ is calling us.
Philipians 4:12-13
Your scars can be the lighthouse that light the way for others heading towards rocks that are familiar to you.
I recently heard this quote on the radio and thought this was such a great perspective for all of us. We each have a unique story that is our own. As we grow in life, we start to accumulate scars in our own stories. These scars become the lighthouses that can light the way for others who are navigating similar paths.
In my life I have relied on the experience of others to help guide the way for me on so many levels. They may not have always been painful scars but joyful blessings as well. It is when we share these experiences with each other, we can all benefit from the story. I think about my life as it is right now and how many of those who's lighthouse is lighting the rocks before me. God has placed these people in my life for these moments.
The love in the light
It is by shining your light through your experiences helping others that you experience the love. As a child, you think back to the first time you made something special for someone at school and wrapped it to give them on a special day. It is that proud moment when you experience the love of giving, of sharing your talent, time and treasure with someone you care about. My mother always made me take piano lessons as a child. I was NOT a good practicing student but did learn some good songs that I have never forgotten and am blessed to be able to sit down at a piano and play a few songs. As I was at moms facility this week, I was able to sit at their piano and play my few tunes which brought my mom such joy. I was giving back what she gave me all those years ago. There was a woman in there who does not speak anymore and generally is constantly on the move. She placed herself right next to me at the piano and fell sound asleep. I was later told by a caregiver that the song (only one of my three) was a song she played beautifully when she first arrived there and would play piano all the time. This just melted my heart knowing that even in her state she was able to let that music take her to a place of peace.
It is no different in sharing our pain with others in order to help them. Joey's story is a tragic story of suicide and mental health. It is a story and topic that makes many uncomfortable because for many of us this just wasn't talked about when we were young. With the increase in suicides in teens in the last few years, we must start talking about it in order to prevent it.
The rewards are mutually beneficial for the giver and the receiver.
The story behind those rocks
I have personally benefitted from other peoples scars in this last year. Other mothers who have lost their precious boys to suicide and are further along in their journey.
I would encourage each of you to use your experiences and scars to help others in their journey's. It is a priceless gift that can be given to each other, a gift of understanding, learning and helping. This gives a rich deep connection to your relationship with that person. You end up benefitting each other sometimes as you both have different perspectives.
I was recently asked to share Joey's story in a helpful way for 14 year old middle school students. I accepted the invitation and spoke to them a couple weeks ago. My goal was to teach them about themselves and a possible mental health crisis. I wanted them to understand that there are "speedbumps" and "road blocks" in life but with each road block there is a detour that may involve more distance and turns but you will still get there. Joey was struggling his senior year of high school but didn't want us burdened with his issue so he didn't share. This decision resulted in him seeking out care that simply wasn't the depth of care his situation needed in order to get around his "road block". These kids heard the words and it seems many of them took it in realizing that they would not want to see their loved one in my pain. I hope they use the tools they learned to help themselves and their friends for the rest of their lives.
The introduction slide to my presentation. I tell the kids what . wonderful summer it was in 2018. We had a family road trip vacation then dropped Joey off at college in August. I then explain to them what that statue represents in the middle; a parent who has lost a child.
God brings these lighthouses through the kindness of others
My paths this last year have not been without stress. My mother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimers and vascular dementia and moved into a 24 hour memory care facility. This is such a challenge for my dad as they have been together for 57 years. A friend of mine who doesn't live far from my parents reconnected with me in the past year and went through the same thing with her parents. She is able to be my lighthouse and I believe God knew she would be able to help. I have other friends who have had parents with memory issues that also share their experiences.
Then there is the suicide connections I have made since last spring. Friends who I know but had no idea that they themselves had survived a suicide attempt. It helped hearing them connect with me giving me a clearer picture to help with the parent guilt that weighs heavy on the suicide loss surviving parents. There are those incredible suicide loss survivors who have walked this path in front of me and I am simply walking where their feet have walked.
Keeping the ship on course toward a higher call
As I learn more about Dementia and Alzheimer's in my mother, I see that she is protected from seeing her own decline and even hanging onto pain. She is not able to remember that Joey passed away. She talks about my children as if they are still here. While it hurts, I am able to see how their brain keeps them in the moment, this moment right now. It does not focus on yesterday and does not worry about tomorrow.
As I think about using your scars as a lighthouse I think about keeping your ship on course to where that light is taking you. My hope is God can use these scars of mine to help others each and every day.
As a younger person I chose a life verse having no idea what my life would be like. The verse I chose at that time was Philipians 4:13 I press on toward the goal of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Of course at the time I chose this verse I was a teen and probably was applying it to pitching in a softball game or serving a volleyball (press on). Our school was a Christian school so I did want to be an athlete with the right reputation. I wasn't great at sports but enjoyed the game.
Fast forward to these recent moments and even the song you see below (Almost Home which includes my verse). I now know what it means to press on even in grief, keeping my ship on it's course.
This song Almost Home would be one that my mother would have loved and will still love now but the words won't quite be taken in at the same level.
One more thing in honor of Joey in the month of March.
Give a gift to a local police officer recognizing their challenges and appreciating them.
As I learn more and more about suicide, my heart breaks for the many affected by this. A group I would like to focus on in the month of March is our local police who often have hazards on the job that are very stressful. The evening of March 24 an officer had to knock on our door and process the worst night of our lives with us. He had to sit through our raw grief and pain and be the clear thinker in the room. He had to find the right words and even imagine his family in this moment.
I would encourage you to bring a gift card from a local coffee or sandwich shop to your local police station in the month of March or even donuts or cookies.
Quote by Elisabeth Elliot
I am not a theologian or a scholar, but I am very aware that pain is necessary to all of us. In my own life, I think I can honestly say that out of the deepest pain has come the strongest conviction of the presence of God and the love of God.