Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such thing as you have. For He Himself said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you". So we may boldly say; The LORD is my helped; I will not fear. What can man do to me?
Hebrews 13: 5-6
As I have said before, Joey was an intricate person. I believe he had perfectionism. He was never completely satisfied with something he accomplished. It just was not ever quite enough. Perfectionism and Social Media are a very dangerous combination because envy and perfectionism never allow the individual to have enough, be enough or do enough to “fit in”. This can send their mental state spiraling downward especially as a hormonal teen.
It is interesting to me because as a child I wanted to be “Nadia” from the Olympics until I took gymnastics realizing it wasn’t my gift. Kids like Joey just want what they think others have that make them “happy” when in fact it just may be how they see themselves that makes them happy not what they have, how much they do or how popular they are.
In the midst of the valleys I have traversed in this last couple years, I would say adapting and understanding we are not ultimately in control helps. For some people out there Covid came out of nowhere and your lives were dramatically changed in a short amount of time. It didn’t matter how much you had, who you were or what you’ve done, you couldn’t stop what was happening. This is exactly what one experiences with trials. You see I was living a comfortable life with my family. My parents were out of state but we were fortunate enough to be able to see them in the summers when we took road trips out there. But then Alzheimers, Dementia, Cancer, Suicide and Covid threw some unexpected changes into this predictable comfortable life I knew. Some of these changes caused me to redirect my focus a bit while other changes had me processing emotion of a loss that may potentially be coming. Of course in the midst of these valleys, Joey’s loss was unexpected and traumatic so there was a whole different response. Each of these caused me to adapt and it didn’t matter how much I “had”, how much I “did” or who I knew, they couldn’t be stopped. They were out of my control. I was brought to the foundation of my faith looking to God, the only constant I knew, the one who I could talk to anytime anywhere. You see it’s my belief that his word teaches it pretty clearly that if we get lost in pride or material things, we are losing sight of our true calling. We are to live with humility and love. Putting others before ourselves.
Acknowledge what you do have. I recently watched a documentary about a boarding school created for the “untouchables” in India. These kids move there when they are 4 and are raised by the school. They interview the families who live in very unfortunate circumstances. As I saw one mother interviewed who may have lost her teen daughter to suicide, it really touched me. This mother lives in a home with a dirt floor. She sacrifices to keep her children fed and still has that same feeling I have in my heart. She doesn’t have a car or house, doesn’t have money. Most of these families agree to send their kids to the school in hopes that the kid grown up will come back and give the rest of the family the better life they have dreamed of. You see our world leads us to believe that the "more" can fix it. While I wish that were true, the "more" could not fix Covid, Alzheimers, Dementia, Cancer and Suicide for me. I have told my boys I would live in a camper if it meant I could have my son back and explain society to him and help him understand those feelings are temporary and you can get through them. Help him understand that suicide is not the answer and leaves more pain in it’s wake then you may have had here. Families are left questioning so much and while I know God forgives and I should as well, the guilt a parent carries with them who lost a teen child to suicide is simply haunting.
I do have concerns about the mental health of our youth with both the Covid situation and now the George Floyd situation. We have built up an emotional volcano that seems to be erupting. While it is so convenient in this digital age to be able to connect online via zoom or google meet, for those struggling with mental health and addiction, this time has got to be extremely challenging. When I speak to students about their mental health and suicide awareness, I bring up things that Joey was doing near the end up at college, isolating and hiding behind his earbuds. We are asking of our people for their own protection to isolate. We must be very cautious in this directive keeping in mind those at risk.
Adapting to less of the more. We all need to take a look at our life and determine how dependent we are on the “more”. There isn’t one of us that can say Covid did not affect our lifestyle and we didn’t have to adapt. Covid has taught us that we need to be ready to adapt when the unknown happens. “Together apart”. This is another Covid term I have heard lately. You see there is a way to be together apart and while it may not be what we are used to, it can be that boost someone may need. Send a card or letter so someone you know who may struggle or you know is alone during this time. I find in my grief that the moment I am trying to come up with a creative gift for someone else, my focus is off of myself. God tells us to put others first and there is a reason for that. If we keep ourselves ahead of everyone else, then the day we suffer a loss, we only see our own sadness not the kindness all around us. Each one of us has the strength to get through most any challenge. Look at the history of humanity and you will see story after story of someone who suffered and came out of it telling their story of faith, resilience and often times humility.
Strength doesn’t come from what you can do,
Strength comes from overcoming the things you thought you couldn’t
I find that accepting the less when it happens without trying to use the “more” to fix it is a lot less work. God has me in his hands and I hold my confidence there. Our pastor last week was talking about Eagles. Birds have a few options when flying; flapping, gliding and soaring. Those birds that spend their time flapping to fly have to keep their distances shorter due to the amount of work and energy flapping takes. Those same birds use their speed to glide which allows them to cover more distance with less work. Eagles are able to soar some clocked at speeds of 80 mph. They fly high using the wind currents. I find that I must glide through my life as much as possible not trying to use my “more” to fix it as that’s no different the flapping as a bird. Unfortunately for someone like Joey who was flapping all he could, it was simply too much for him to handle himself. With support and acknowledgement that he didn’t have it handled, he may have been okay.
If there is one thing you must have in these moments, it is patience. Waiting can be excruciating and I know this more than most. I am a self admitted “busy body” who loves socializing as some of you may have guessed. Covid told me to stay home and socially distance. Of course I will listen to the directives but had to adapt and take on a home project knowing just sitting in my self pity not seeking God’s counsel through this would not put me in a good place mentally or spiritually. We have to look at what waiting does to benefit us. Think about it, we wait for so many things we want, why is it so difficult to wait for something we know we need? With grief and loss comes a wait. You must wait through the emotion and adapt in that wait.
But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Ps. 40:31
Mumford and Sons song I will wait for you
There is something that comes in the waiting and that is reflection and honesty with ourselves. We are then required to take a good look at what we genuinely have which may be family or friends, whatever you miss whoever you miss when asked to go without. We are able to reflect on things that have not earthly value but are invaluable: memories. We can reflect on what we have done and with who, not accomplishments but memories. I can tell you they are so precious to me and I can close my eyes and experience joy in those moments. We can also reflect on who we are. There are times while out in our element of work, school, life we are trying to be someone else but who are we truly and what are we about. If those things we are pursuing sometimes at the expense of others couldn’t help us in a time of Covid, how are they going to help us in our deep valleys?
Let's look at a word that is so powerful. A word that God uses throughout Psalm 136: MERCY. The definition is "compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm." If we can just live a life of mercy as Jesus did. We need to see our fellow people with Mercy. As I look at my city and the sadness of the destruction that has happened there, I also see mercy in the beautiful souls that are out cleaning up the next day or the call for donations for a community that lost access to public transportation and stores. The donations today were overwhelming. There was a gentleman leading the cause of cleaning up the Target store. Churches came together with this effort. Mercy and Kindness in Minneapolis.
Each moment we face comes with a decision. How will you bring your mercy and kindness toward each other in each of your decisions. God has helped me in my decisions as my tradegy could have sent me to a very dark place. I could have harbored such anger but I simply must use his story to help others and maybe just maybe one day I will understand this valley. God is still my God and always has been there for me.
Ryan Stevenson- Amadeo
One last video that just helps us have HOPE at a time when we sometimes wonder...
My goal for all is to take inventory of not the "more" but what you have truly been able to appreciate at this time. Cherish each and every person in your life.