"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11;28-30
From the moment of that miraculous birth when we entered this world, those around us celebrate that day. It is the day that your life began and it's at that moment that we remember that special day and celebrate it every year. If it's your child, you want to honor that child in a special way that day. I mean after all, you worked pretty hard to get them here. But for each person who has a birthday, there will also be a day that they are no longer with us. God created us with love to give in our hearts. We are relational and need to feel that connection to others to fulfill an innate human need. The first relationship every person has is with the parent who took on their care as an infant, that loving nurturing care. It's a relationship that benefits parent and child. A relationship that creates a bond that is very hard to break. Unfortunately there are times that it is unexpectedly broken by loss. Sometimes that loss creates relational connections we did not have previously and we are able to benefit from those in our healing.
Today Joey would have been 20 years old. It's hard not to dwell on what could have been. He was an amazing young man just hardly stepping into adulthood. We would have celebrated him with a dinner out and most likely we will still do that by going to Golden Corral (not my favorite but the boys love it so we will go in Joey's honor). The days is a gorgeous one, perfect weather. Flowers are blooming and the birds seem so happy that this winter has come to an end just like the rest of us. The Lilacs are starting to bloom which is yet one more of those things I can take in. The beauty of experiencing spring with your senses, seeing the color, hearing the life and smelling the blooms. I am thankful for this day. Jacque, my daughter will come home today and we will spend some time together this afternoon. She is very busy these days so every moment I get with her is one I cherish dearly. These things while sometimes insignificant in the past are so meaningful now. It's just a perspective change I suppose.
There are times on this journey that God shows himself reminding us he is there and will be with us in this valley of the shadow of death. I was reminded of that last night with someone who just happened to stop by. It was actually a couple different people with open hearts and grace and understanding for me through this time. One of them had also suffered a loss sometime back that she had to navigate with her family. I remember the devastation I felt for her at that time and wishing there was something I could do. I didn't know her that well so didn't want to intrude but it was somewhat of a hopeless feeling wishing I could help. It was one of those situations that was close to my heart because we were in similar stages of life so you put yourself in her experience wondering how you would respond. Having her stop by was reassuring knowing she is still on her journey but has been able to take steps forward and do an incredible job with that. She walked by Faith and Faith carried her through. It was another moment of HOPE I needed to see. Life does go on.
I lost my dear cousin on Friday afternoon. He lived in Oregon and was such a sweet man battling a few illnesses over the years but always doing that with his Faith in God evident and present always. His parents were just here for Joey's funeral and we are very close. It's an interesting journey when you know how they feel with the loss of a child. This isn't something you would expect to know especially as they are older as was my cousin (52). But it's a path you are keenly aware of and emotions you have processed. You are able to let them know resources that helped you and places they can go as a grieving parent to feel comfort. One book that I found helpful right after Joey died was a book called "Shattered" by Gary Roe. It was the perfect approach to the emotion and feelings you are going through at that time. I highly recommend it. Another is a book that someone who had recently suffered loss sent me called "healing through loss". It is just daily meditations as you grieve the loss. These both were helpful at that time. It's healing to be able to help others.
This week I also came upon a website that I truly feel is something that needs to be implemented on many college and high school campuses. It's the vision I would have had for Joey. The true help and support he may have reached out to for his struggle. It is a foundation created by the parents of a child lost in college the same way Joey was lost. They have started the JED foundation to implement mental health resources and education on college and high school campuses for students.
Tomorrow we bury our son at Fort Snelling National Cemetery. It will be an honor to lay him to rest next to so many that fought for our freedom. Last night I just felt the need to go there and experience it beforehand without the chaos of the day. It was a stunning night with a light breeze and endless sunshine. The oak trees lining the drive in represented such strength in sorrow. It was beautiful. There were some visiting graves maybe a special day in that family's life like Joey's special day today. The family still honoring their loved one's life here and the impact that person made on them. It was a special experience that gave me reassurance this will be the perfect place for us to visit his grave. We may need that to stay connected with him in our mourning but he knows the ultimate PEACE where he is and would want us to know the same.
Today, my soul will rest in God's embrace.
